Are you laughing? Don’t laugh, I’m serious. I’m as stuck as a person can be that’s been living in an unfinished apartment for over a year. Going on 14 months to be exact. If it was a baby it would be walking and talking by now. Sure it wouldn’t be complex sentences, but it would know how to say “NO Mamma”. Not that.
The problem is that I am not a toddler and while I have perfected the “No, not that” development stage, I have yet to advance beyond the “receptive language” milestone phase and launched myself into phase that allows for articulation of my complex wants, needs and desires. I’m pinned to my lack-luster living room like a beautiful butterfly to a display board. Like a statuesque socialite being fitted for a couture gown. Like a run-a-ground boat in the marsh. Are you laughing? Don’t laugh, I’m serious.
It’s the permanence of the decision that has me stalled, afraid to take the next step. Permanent in the way that nothing really is. It’s practically a rule that everything changes, and if I were a Buddhist I would embrace this philosophy, but I am not. I am me, and if I don’t get it right I will have wasted untold amounts of money. Thousands and thousands of dollars that should be going to my retirement, not to things like shoes and built-ins, but I can’t be expected to go barefoot and should my walls have to suffer a similar indignity? Don’t answer that. I’m not looking for confirmation that my bachelor pad could stay exactly as it is and I’d still make money when I sold it. I know it could, and I would, but my soul, my very essence is suffering. Are you laughing? Don’t laugh, I’m serious.
Here’s what I am thinking. What about a Hollywood set. It could be delightfully impermanent while still setting a scene for mostly my own visual entertainment. No one would have to tear it out to create something that more favorably suits their style, and I won’t have spent the little retirement money that I have painstakingly squirreled away. Now where am I going to find a set designer to provide the backdrop for me to star in the role of successful city gal? This is a question I would like you to answer. Please provide thoughts and contact information in the comment section.